I made a promise to myself at the beginning of this year to put myself first, to ‘do me’ if you will. I have come to the abrupt realisation that it is mid April, and we are practically a third of the way through this year. I will take this moment to pat myself on the back, because I have been actively working ‘on me’ to become the self-loving, non push over Ro I set out to be.
The biggest step I’ve taken in doing this is finally admitting aloud, that as great as bottles of wine, rom coms and best friends are, this classic combination can only get me so far in solving my problems and tackling my turbulent mind. So what did I do? I started talking to a legitimate professional.
Boy oh boy, what a change it has made to my life.
I have dealt with anxiety and depression for years, however I never truly realised or acknowledged this until recently. Having finally discovered behaviours I had once considered normal, actually aren’t, I’ve begun to see how much self healing there is to be done.
Here’s some insight into what my brain used to consider normal, and thanks to my glorious psychologist, I am helping my brain realise these patterns were frankly, quite ridiculous:
- When someone ignores your message it can obviously only mean one thing, they hate you
- If you just keep apologising more, people won’t walk all over you
- Overthinking is 100% going to help any situation
- You have to be friends with every. single. person.
- If you’re not invited to an event, then clearly you’re getting kicked out of the group
Before you start thinking to yourself how obscene these concepts are, I am well aware. And I am quite pleased my psychologist has helped me realise how absurd my way of thinking was.
These negative patterns of thinking have become incredibly habitual, so it’s a daily task to distinguish the helpful from the unhelpful thoughts, but baby steps.
Over the last two months what has resounded the greatest with me is learning to finally let go. I am most definitely a hoarder (and yes I have already binged the entirety of Marie Kondo), but I hoard more than just old make up and clothes/shoes that don’t even fit me anymore. I hoard friendships, opinions, thoughts and feelings.
Entering my early years of adulthood I have come to the alarming realisation that I can’t hold onto everything.
That might mean something different to everyone, but for me this has helped me finally learn to be free of things I no longer need in my life.
Landing myself in my psychologist’s chair was equally the most terrifying and invigorating thing I have done this year. I don’t doubt for a second there’s still a long way to go before I will feel at peace with my mind, but for now we’re in a good place to keep going up.